Recently, I’ve been reading the letters I wrote a few months ago. I went through everything and realized that every letter I wrote for myself and for other people were very articulate. And as I try to write a letter for you, I keep on losing my train of thoughts. I lose track of the things I want to say to you. And I wonder why it’s so hard for me to express my feelings through writing when I know very well that it’s something I’m good at.
I always know the right words. I always know what to say. But to you, I don’t. I become too lost for words. And as I go through every word I’m typing right now, I think I may have found the answer to my question. It’s quite puzzling that in all the letters I wrote a long time ago, they had one thing in common; the words I wrote were triggered by pain. And so I concluded that I am a good writer when I write about pain. Knowing this, I now know why I’m having a hard time writing to and for you. It’s because everything about you triggers only one feeling—happiness.
The thought of you makes me smile, my heart cheers when I see you—even only from my phone screen, and my dream to finally touch and feel you thrills me. I know it’s hard to believe since I was once a non-believer of long distance relationships. Loving someone from a distance is something I never thought of. I’m not a fan of relationships where you can’t be with your significant other. I laughed at people who failed in maintaining their long distance relationships and was proud enough to tell them, “I told you so.”
I was clueless about how people fall in love with someone who isn’t beside them, someone who can’t touch you, hug you, kiss you and be with you. I didn’t know how it worked for them. And I was never curious about it. Until you happened. A glimpse of a new perspective, and my game changer—you.
I must admit, I’m a very impatient person. I don’t like long queues, I usually choose fast food over real food just because I couldn’t wait, I always request my laundries to be prioritized and rushed even if I have to pay more and my biggest pet peeve is people who comes in late. I don’t like waiting for anyone. But with you… my patience grew stronger. Waiting for months, may it be two or more months, is something new to me. And that’s actually one of the first lessons you taught me unconsciously. You taught me that love is patient.
I’ve been through a lot before I met you and I’m glad you welcomed someone like me; scarred and imperfect, into your life. My traumatising past almost stopped me from believing you and your intentions were genuine, and I’m glad you didn’t let that happen. You made sure I felt safe, you have always put me first and you have always ensured my comfort. And there, I learned, love is kind.
Dominance in relationships is something I value. It may not be applicable to the physical strength aspect but I always made sure I don’t lose during arguments and that I don’t end up wrong. But, thanks to you, I’ve learned that the most essential part of all relationships is to be able to correct each other without hesitation lovingly. You never allow me to do things I’ll regret in the long run and I love how you always correct me when I’m at fault.
Because of you, I’ve learned that love always protects because I felt how willing you are to protect me despite the distance that separates us. Love always trusts because I felt how your trust is able to sail in ships and fly through planes. Love always hopes and I’m able to see how hopeful you are that we would be able to see each other soon; and your perseverance to pursue me and to be with me is so evident that I do not doubt at all.
Love, you may not have been my first love, but to me, you are the only love that matters. Your eyes are the only eyes I want to stare at and you are the only one I want to wake up to every single day. You are the only one I want to talk about my day and your arms are the only arms I want to comfort me until I fall asleep. You are the only kind of love I want to have until my very last breath and your hands are the only hands I want to hold when I’m in pain. You are my one great love and you are definitely my last. I’m grateful that we finally found each other.
And baby, I can’t thank the stars enough for granting my wish; for making you mine. Who would’ve known that the man I met in the most unconventional way two years ago will make my life undergo a whole new twist two years after? If I happen to have another chance in wishing, I wish I hugged you the first time I met you. I regret letting that chance pass by. Now, I wish to see you sooner because baby, I crave for your presence and it’s killing me. But… I promise to stay patient because I know you’re worth the wait.
Love,
Latch
